The Akane Diaries
by no longer a fanfiction writer
Summary: Ranma finally realizes what Akane meant to him and learns to see things from Akane's perspective. But...is it too late?


The Akane Diaries

The Akane Diaries

By Dora-chan

Ranma was in a daze. For three days now he had not slept or eaten anything. Kasumi was worried, the only other time Ranma was like this was when he thought Akane was dead after he defeated Saffron. Well, this situation was pretty similar, too. 

They were in the hospital…Soun was crying (thought that was pretty typical), Genma had turned himself into a panda to hide his grief, and Ukyo was trying to comfort Nodoka. Nabiki was nowhere to be found. The Amazon lot was gone, Ranma had made sure of that the day after Shampoo basically killed Akane.

After the doctors grimly announced that there was no hope for Akane, (Apparently, Shampoo had used some mystic chi's that no one knew how to cure), the Tendos and their friends quietly went home, dragging Ranma with them. Ranma was silent the whole time, not believing that the macho tomboy that had just malletted him a week ago is on the verge of death and there was nothing he, or anyone else, for that matter, could do to save her.

This was all he could think of as he hid himself in his room for the next two days, talking to no one and paying attention to nothing. He didn't even cry. He wasn't sure if it was because the presence of his mother, or if it was because he refused to believe Akane dead, but he never shed a tear.

On the sixth night after Akane's hospitalization, Kasumi finally decided to take action. That night after dinner (which Ranma didn't touch), she walked into Ranma's room and sat down beside him in the dark. She wisely did not turn the lights on.

"Ranma-kun," she said softly.

Ranma didn't answer. But Kasumi knew he was listening.

"It is not healthy to shut all your emotions up, Ranma-kun," she went on. "You have done it for a whole year since you came to us now, and what good did it do except sending Akane to the hospital like this?"

Ranma didn't say anything. Kasumi decided to take a different approach.

"From the way you are acting, Ranma-kun," she said, her voice now indifferent, "one might think that you actually _cared_ for Akane."

At this Ranma's eyes, full of unshed tears, met hers. "What are you talking about? Of course I—I…well, I…"

"Yes?"

Ranma sighed and looked away. "Of course, I care. You know I do."

"How much?"

Any other day Ranma would have make a joke as an answer. But not now. What does it matter? What is pride when Akane is gone? Who cares if they know how he feels—all of a sudden life isn't worth living anymore.

"More than anything…myself, even. There's no one like her and there never will be again." He answered dully.

"Oh? That's not what Akane heard last week when she asked you if you were jealous after seeing Kuno embraced her. That's not what Akane heard when my father asked if you would like to have a second wedding. That's not what—"

"I get your point!" Ranma cried, the first time he had raised his voice with Kasumi.

"Ranma-kun," she went on quietly. "I have kept quiet all this time, because I thought that one of you might eventually come to your senses and realize that the biggest obstacle between you two is your pride. You are too proud to admit that you love her lest she rejects you, and she is too proud to confess her feelings until you do. But this has gone too far."

Ranma looked down.

"What would you have me do? She is dead—no, dying, but will be dead soon. There is nothing I can—"

"No, there is not," said Kasumi sadly. "But I hope you learn your lesson through this painful experience, Ranma, and not go about and break another girl's heart again like this in the future. Ranma-kun, I want you to have this."

He stared at the little journal she handed him. 

"But this is—!"

"Yes, I know, read it."

"But I can't!"

"I think it's time you two learn what each other really feels." With that, Kasumi got up and left before Ranma could refuse.

@~~~~

Ranma stayed up long after Genma had went to bed that night, reading Akane's diary. He read it in Akane's room, making sure the door was locked and no one was about, for he felt like he was doing something wrong and an angry Akane would pop out any minute and mallet him in the head. He smiled ruefully. Now he would do anything to just have Akane come back and mallet him again.

The first parts in her diary were full of stuff about Dr. Tofu and Kasumi, but mostly Dr. Tofu. Then Ranma entered, and his name gradually replaced that of Dr. Tofu's. Some parts made him murderous (like the parts on how cuddly P-chan was) and others made him blush scarlet (like her description of him when she walked in on him in the bathroom the first day they met). And other passages made him want to go back in time and beat the crap out of himself for being such a jerk.

_…and just as that pervert Mikado was going to kiss me (yuck!!) Ranma challenged him with a fishcake (named Francoise by that idiot Azusa)…Of course I didn't think he was jealous or anything, I mean, for Ranma to feel anything like that for me is, like, too much to hope for (not that I'm hoping or anything), but still, I wonder… _

_…"Akane is my fiancée, lay a lip on her and I'll kill you!" I can't believe Ranma said that in front of all those people. Did he really mean it??? I don't see what else it could have meant, but still, this is Ranma…Junko _[Akane's friend] _said that if a guy would do that for her she'd swoon over him—wait a minute, what the hell am I talking about? There's no way I'm gonna 'swoon' over Ranma, I mean, he's…Ranma! We're not even in love or anything._

_ But did he really mean it though??????_

_…Ranma you jerk Ranma you jerk Ranma you jerk… _[continued through out the next two pages]_…Well, don't _I_ feel stupid. Here I was thinking that he might actually care just a little when his little Shampoo pops up! Just who does she thinks she is anyway, kissing him like that!? Ranma you jerk. He gets all jealous because I kissed P-chan but then goes and kiss that gorgeous Amazon warrior like that! Ranma you jerk Ranma you jerk _[another page omitted]…

_…a first kiss is like a milestone in everyone's life…I can't believe mine turned out that way. Ranma, that baka, he doesn't even remember kissing me! It would have been the same to him if it had been Shampoo or Kodachi. So where exactly do _I_ stand? Just another unwanted fiancée that's just…there? Then why the hell does he always beat the crap out of Kuno when he tries to get close to me!!?? (not that I want him to, of course). Man, talk about possessive!_

_…Father, Nabiki, and Kasumi kicked Ranma outta the house and wouldn't let him come back till he makes up with Happousai. Ranma, stubborn as he was, wouldn't relent. I tried to think of all the insults he said to me in the past and that he deserves this. But then my heart melted as I stared at his retreating back. Here was a boy who never knew a home and had everyone he cared about taken from him because he moved so constantly. And I thought he (er, she) would be a really, really nice friend, too, before I found out of her (his) curse that first day. So I brought him food and water at the park tonight, and he actually blushed when he thanked me. I can see why Shampoo and Kodachi are so crazy over him. He really is cute._

_…I got the part! I got the part! I really did, I'm going to be Juliet!!!!!!_

_…That impetuous jerk. He would rather kiss _Kuno_ sooner than he would kiss me! _What_ was so bad about me that makes Kuno seem more desirable, I would like to know. I'm pleasing enough for Kuno and two dozens other boys in school, but no, not for the great almighty Ranma, who has a gorgeous Amazon warrior with ungodly curves and a maniac Kodachi with eternally long legs chasing after him. If he hates me that much then there really is no point in being engaged. But when we got home and he was so disappointed that he doesn't get to go to China, I didn't have the heart to stay mad at him. I forgive too easily. _[Yeah, right, thought Ranma as he read this]

_…I was determined to not be defeated by Kodachi. I mean, how bad can my cookies be!!??? _[very, thought Ranma]_ But I felt so sad and hurt and murderous and jealous when Kodachi showed me a picture of them kissing that I almost scared myself. We're not engaged by choice…we weren't in love or anything when we found out that we're engaged, so why did I feel that way? Kasumi told me once that I keep my feelings to myself too much, ever since mom died. What if I fall in love and he goes back to China? What if I fall in love and he chooses Shampoo or Kodachi? What if I fall in love and the feeling isn't mutual? Well, it's a good thing I'm _not_ in love, of course. _

_ I swear, I'm not!_

Ranma went to sleep then. He woke up early the next morning and started reading again, stopping only at meal times. Nabiki was saying something about Dr. Tofu but Ranma didn't know (or care) what. His whole mind was on Akane's diary. It was like living through everything they have been in together, but seeing it from her eyes this time. He decided that if he was Akane, he'd have dumped himself a long time ago.

_…Just when I thought that things were starting to go right…when I thought that we finally have a connection (or at least an understanding) between each other, Ukyo has to show up! A fiancée and a childhood best friend…so where do I stand!!!??? _[Here Ranma was shocked to find that the ink was smeared—apparently from a few drops of tears.] _I know I appeared indifferent. And I am (I really am) indifferent. I mean, _she's_ the cute one, isn't she? Like I care. I didn't choose to be engaged to him by choice. It's not like we're going to be _married_ or anything._

_ That jerk!_

_…For an unbelievable moment I thought that Ranma was actually jealous. Ukyo had set me up with Ryoga (poor guy, he had no idea what was going on)… _["Hmph!" Ranma snorted.] _And Ranma really did try his damnest to stop the date. If he wasn't jealous then he's just a really big control freak._

_ Was he jealous? _[Beyond your wildest dreams, thought Ranma sadly.]

_…That stupid Shampoo. She made Ranma eat some dumplings that makes him hug me every time I sneeze. At first I was scared, really scared…the same feeling I had when I found Ranma on top of me after sneaking into my room _[feh, that idiot P-chan, thought Ranma]_… I never realized it until then, but if Ranma really wanted to, there was nothing I could do to stop him. He was way stronger than I, and… well, we _are_ engaged and daddy and Uncle Saotome probably would be overjoyed. It never occurred to me that Ranma would do anything like that (I mean, he wouldn't even _kiss_ me) but I really was frightened tonight. What would I do if something happened? First of all, do I even _ want_ anything to happen? _

_ I've always wondered what it would be like to be overpowered by the man you love, _[Ranma blushed]_ they always look so romantic in novels and movies. _Not_ that I'm in love with Ranma, of course._

_…Happousai has made Ranma into a weakling. Ugh, that old pervert, if I get my hands on him…_

_…Ranma you fool. How can he just disappear like that? Nabiki said now that he's so weak he can't take over the dojo so there's no point in him staying. Well, am I not enough reason for him to stay? Or at least say goodbye??? _ [the inks was once again blurred by teardrops.]

_…I followed him to the mountains. When he told me he never wanted me to come in the first place I…well, I don't know what else to think. I've tried so hard to get close to him but he keeps on pushing me away, and I thought maybe I had gone too far and was too dense to get his message so now he has to spell it out for me. Why didn't he want me to be there when he's at his weakest and when he needed help the most? I know I'm not as skilled as Ryoga or as good of a cook as Ukyo…but I also know that I don't love like him any less._

_ Then he told me it's because he doesn't want me to see him when he's at his very weakest. ^_^ Everything about him, his pride, his 'manliness', his sarcasm, can be so infuriating but also so lovable at times._

_…I thought Ranma had proposed to me tonight. But it turned out to be this weird cat thing that Shampoo got from China. But it made me wonder, what _ would_ I say if Ranma really proposed to me? Would I accept? Should I accept? Usually, the proposal comes before the engagement, but…_

_ Yeah, right. Like Ranma would ever do anything so sentimental._

At that moment Ranma was interrupted by Nabiki.

"What?" He said crossly.

"Just wondering if you'd like to go to—"

"No." He said flatly, a trifle annoyed with Nabiki.

Nabiki raised an eyebrow.

"But we're going to—"

"I don't care, I wanna stay here."

"But you're—"

"I'm fine. Just leave me alone."

Nabiki gave him a long, cold, piercing look. Finally, she tossed her head and said loftily, "Whatever. Suit yourself."

And so he went back to his reading.

_…Nabiki you jerk! Ranma you jerk! If you care for Nabiki's safety more than mine, then you can be her fiancé, for all I care (which I don't). Ranma you jerk!_

_ …Nabiki loves Ranma? How did this happen???? I thought it was all a joke…I wish it was all a joke…but a confession like that has to be serious. Nabiki loves Ranma!_

_ Is the feeling mutual?_

_ …Why wouldn't it be mutual? Nabiki is smart, she's pretty, she's doesn't beat him like I do, and she's a Tendo. _[Teardrop]_ Nabiki tried to sell Ranma back to me today, but I couldn't…I'm not like her. She told Ranma she loves him like it's no big deal, but…I just can't say it right out like she can. I'm not Nabiki. I…I just can't._

_ …Ranma no baka!!!!!!!! I tried to make it up to him because Nabiki doesn't love him after all, and he ruins everything! Ranma no baka! Baka baka baka!_

_ …He thought I was Nabiki and told me he loves me (as a revenge for Nabiki). You should've seen the way he blushed when he realized it was me. It was a pure Kodak moment. I watched bemusedly as he tried to explain with incoherent words. So maybe he _does_ care a little. _

Ranma then went to bed (it was very late; he's been reading all day). The next day he rose early again and continued his reading. But everyone at the dojo seemed lively and happy and he was furious at everybody. Have they forgotten that Akane was dying in the hospital? Dr. Tofu came very often that day, and Kasumi seemed more hyper than usual. Ranma paid no attention to them whatsoever.

He read on, through Pantyhose-Taro and Shinnosuke and Saffron… and Ranma wondered how he could be so stupid. How could he miss all those signs that Akane sent out? And he was also surprised at how often he had hurt her. He didn't think that she would actually suspect him of liking Shampoo or Ukyo. None of his other suitors would ever do anything for him unless there was something in return (ie. a date, kiss, marriage…). Akane was the only one who stood by him through thick and thin not caring for payment, she was there when he needed a friend and an ally, and she was there even after he insulted her so many times.

One paragraph, written after he saved her from Saffron, affected him the most.

_…I knew he was coming for me. You wouldn't know it from the way we yell at each other, but I knew he's gonna save me. He can be so arrogant and annoying and boyish at times, but he can also be so good. For a moment I thought he was going to say "I love you", maybe I should've pretended to be still unconscious, and then wake up right after he say it. Concern was clearly written all over his face. Kasumi told me that he is scared of intimate relationships, because of the pain it would cause him when he has to move again. Kasumi said the more he cares about you, the more he pushes you away. I know that he cares, at least a little. If only I can make him show it…_

He stopped reading then, because it was too much for him to bear. He decided to go the hospital and see Akane, maybe for the last time, and tell her that he loves her, always have and always will. Would she be able to hear in her coma? He hoped so. 

None of the Tendo's was home, and Ranma was angry at them. So they've gone out of mourning already? And Nabiki, that twit, didn't even mourn at all. She was busy going in and out all day. Now, even Kasumi was nowhere to be found. With Dr. Tofu, I bet, he though savagely. 

It turned out that Kasumi _was_ with Dr. Tofu, but not in the way that Ranma had supposed. They were at the hospital, and so was everybody else, including Nabiki. 

Suddenly Ranma's heart sunk. Has Akane died already? Why were they all there? 

"Wh—what are you…?" He stammered.

"I asked if you wanted to come," Nabiki answered coldly.

Without a word Ranma dashed into Akane's room. _Don't die_, he prayed silently, _please. I haven't yet…_

Nothing in his ten years of martial arts training had prepared him for this. He stared at Akane dumbly for a second, then a sharp pain in his chest reminded him that he hadn't been breathing for the last minute or so. He sucked in a long deep breath.

Akane was sitting up on the bed looking very much alive. Except for the fact that her limbs were wrapped tightly in bandages she looked perfectly healthy. Dr. Tofu was by her side, examining her.

Seeing Ranma's surprised face, Dr. Tofu said, 

"Didn't Nabiki tell you? She spent all week hiring people to search for the secret remedy for this deadly Amazon curse, and actually managed to buy it for…" He stopped. Ranma was apparently not listening. He didn't even see or notice Dr. Tofu.

Dr. Tofu wisely left the room.

"Ranma," Akane began crossly. She was very disappointed to find Ranma not there when she came to that afternoon.

But she didn't get far. Ranma suddenly pulled her in a deep embrace. Akane blushed, but didn't resist. Somehow, this was different than the time he hugged her under the influence of Shampoo's dumplings. 

She felt something wet drop on her shoulders. 

"Ranma?" She said softly. _He's crying_? 

She said no more, but just let him hold her there for what seemed like an eternity. All the hidden emotions that he buried in his soul for the past sixteen years were at last released. Finally, his sobs subsided.

He pulled away.

"Akane, I—" He began softly.

Akane's heart fluttered wildly. _He's going to say it! He's finally going to admit that he loves me!_

"Yes?" –sweetly and innocently.

"Well, I—"

_Oh, come on, say it! I nearly died, for goodness sake._

"Uh," he stammered boyishly, "I'm glad you're ok."

"Oh." Said Akane disappointedly.

He sensed her disappointment, and was going to ignore it when he remembered her diary. He didn't want her to feel the same pains over again.

"I'm sorry," he looked away, "I…I'm like not Kuno. I can't say it right out like he does. I just…can't." 

"It's alright. Believe me, I understand." Akane smiled. _What he just said sounded very, very familiar,_ she thought happily. And his eyes were eloquent enough, anyways. They were sincere and for once unveiled and unguarded.

Ranma sniffed and, eyeing his mother outside, quickly wiped away a tear.

"Hmm," he mused, "I wonder what my mom would say if she saw me just now."

"She'd say," Akane said softly, "that 'it takes a man to cry.'"

[THE END]


End file.
